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In the podcast Making sense of masturbation, Drew Boa shares a lot of wisdom and insights. I highly reccommend listening to this episode.

Drew discusses some of the Withdrawal Symptoms and reasons why men masturbate.

The Bible does not mention masturbation, but draws the line of sexual sin being the moment that you lust after someone. Long before you have touched yourself, you have already sinned. God is gracious and He forgives, He also wants something better than masturbation or porn for us.

Frequent masturbation can lead to erectile disfunction. You get so used to what it feels like, that sex with a real person is not something that you can orgasm from without practice. Frequent porn use also means that you can struggle to orgasm from your partner, as you are used to having any number of partners perform and look exactly what your heart desires. It creates an unrealistic expectation, which cannot be met.

He ends with a quote from C.S. Lewis, which I will attempt to summarise: Masturbation drives you away from people, to serving yourself. It isolates you, instead of bringing you together with someone. It is selfish as only your desires and needs matter.

My insights:

At the heart of this conversation is not just "is it right or wrong?" but what kind of man do you want to become? A man who chooses connection over isolation, love over fantasy, presence over escape.

Masturbation isn't just a habit - it's often a comfort for pain we haven't named yet. God wants to meet you there, not just to say "Stop" but to say "I see you, let's walk together toward freedom."

Jesus doesn't just forgive your sexual sin - He restores our capacity for joy, intimacy and presence. He offers not just rules to follow, but life to flourish in.

A Prayer for the Stormy nights

Jesus, You know every longing in my body and soul.

You see the places I feel alone, ashamed or stuck.

Thank You that You don't turn away.

Tonight I give You my desires - my ache for connection, my fear of being alone, my habits I don't know how to change.

Teach me how to rest in Your arms, instead of escaping into fantasy.

I want real love, and I want to live fully alive.

Come and meet me here.

Amen

7 Journal Prompts: Finding Freedom from Masturbation and Escapism

1. When I feel the urge to masturbate, what am I really longing for in that moment—comfort, connection, relief, adventure?

2. What are the moments or times of day when I feel most vulnerable to acting out? What patterns can I notice without judgment?

3. What do I believe masturbation offers me? What does it actually cost me—emotionally, spiritually, relationally?

4. Who do I become after I give in? And who do I become when I resist and choose something else?

5. How has my fantasy life shaped my view of love, sex, or relationships? What might it look like to invite God into those fantasies?

6. If I imagine a life of wholeness and connection—one where I’m emotionally and physically intimate with someone I love—what kind of man would I need to become to live that out?

7. What do I believe God thinks of me in my moments of failure? What would change if I truly believed He is near, even in those moments?

5 Gentle Next Steps Toward Growth and Freedom

1. Start a “Desire Tracker”

For 7 days, write down when you feel the urge to escape into masturbation, and what you were feeling just before it. Over time, this builds awareness without shame.

2. Try a Replacement Ritual

When you feel tempted, practice one small alternative action (e.g., wrap yourself in a prayer towel, go for a short walk, listen to a worship song, or breathe deeply while saying a simple prayer).

3. Find One Safe Person

Choose one trusted person (mentor, friend, or group leader) to check in with regularly—not just for accountability, but for connection and care.

4. Write Your Healthy & Holy Screenplay

Begin imagining the kind of relationship, marriage, and love story you truly desire. Let that vision guide your choices.

5. Create a "Come Home" Space with God

Choose one song, one scripture, and one grounding object that you return to every time you feel disconnected or ashamed. Let it become your lighthouse moment with Jesus.

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